His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
