goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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