id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
