I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
