I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
