We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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