i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
