Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize