the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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