With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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