see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
