she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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