A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
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So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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