When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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