okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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