No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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