she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
