im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
