sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
