This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
