you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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