I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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