the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
