Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
