If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
