His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
