I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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