Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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