she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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