i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We left the knife in your bed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
