barbara walters just said penis...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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