i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A bitchslap is in order.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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