I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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