Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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