Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
