He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
