You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
