Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
