I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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