I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
