u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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