Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
