you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
