All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
