Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
