the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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