My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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