Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
