dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
