I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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