Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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