my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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