I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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