I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Fuck appropriateness.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
