Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
