i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
