You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
