gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
