8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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