Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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