sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
