Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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