And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
