someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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