I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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