I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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